I’d read a fascinating article from Dr. Bob Wilmott of Cardinal Glennon, on how the involvement of parents is key to the success of their children in school, yet how we, as parents, walk a fine line of hovering or even smothering them if we should become too involved. While well-meaning, the “helicopter” type of parenting can ultimately backfire.
In a CNN report, clinical psychologist Mark Crawford explained the term “helicopter parent” comes from the concept of hovering. “They’re always around their kids’ life, kind of on the fringe, always making sure things go the way they need to go and not really allowing the kids to figure out solutions to problems on their own.”
How do we protect our kids, but allow them to test their own wings all at the same time? Raise a problem-solving child.
Encourage them to seek out a solution or solutions to their problem. Don’t offer the answer (which, let’s face it, may not always be the right or best option for them). Allow them to make a few wrong decisions or at least work through these cases with you so that they can begin to develop an independence that will encourage confidence rather than the fear to fail.
Here are some helpful tips from Dr. Wilmott to”raising a problem-solving” child.
- Encourage your child to discuss their problems, but allow them to come up with their own solutions.
- Steer clear of battles such as disputing a grade, a disciplinary action taken on your child or placement of them on a team. Instead, talk to your child about it. See how they feel about the situation and work through possible solutions based on that.
- Never do your child’s homework. Often times parents feel like they are “helping” and by doing so end up actually doing the work. Not good. They need to learn to ask questions, research and work through things with you, but they need to apply that to their studies on thier own.
- Respect your child’s teacher’s time by emailing first before calling or arriving for a meeting. You may be able to resolve it quickly and efficiently with a simple email exchange with them. If you want to be involved, they can always find a way for that. Just email and be flexible to what they have to offer.
- Teach your children to respect their teachers, coaches and elders.While it’s ok to question authority at times, there is certainly a right and wrong way to do that. If you act respectful, you can instill that in your child.
- Hold your children accountable. Let them deal with the consequences of their actions. Don’t jump in and try to protect them. Life is about making choices. If they learn early how each choice effects their life, they will sooner than later make the right ones most often.
- If you fear that your child is a victim of bullying, work through solutions or responses directly with your child first before involving the school (unless it is of certain extreme). The teachers are there to teach. Discipline is part of the job, but behavoir of your child starts at home. Take responsibilty for it.